Realisation of your higher self
In my deepest awakening experience, I have realized that I am always looking at my self. You could call it the higher self. What we are trying to grasp is the thing itself. It is like the hand that is trying to grab itself. It cannot do it.
The mind is part of the whole. We are trying to grasp the whole with a part of the whole. This can never work. But you can realize that reality is the infinite strange loop that is looking at itself. And it is doing that at this very moment. From moment to moment you are looking down this infinite strange loop.
It is like a film playing, which is at the same time infinite but also completely free. It is a film that has infinite potential. When you realize this, you will have found the answer by annihilating the question, the questioner and the reality that was questioned. They all collapse into infinite potential.
No higher self
The higher self is only another concept as well. This thing that you actually are is already itself, without the need for anything "higher" to contain it. It exists outside of time and it is all-encompassing. By definition, there can be nothing outside of the universe. The universe contains everything. And everything beyond any perceivable limitation. Because the thing that would create any limitation is also included in the universe.
When you realize you are the infinite creator, it also means you are alone. That is one of the hardest things for the ego to accept. This is the fear that keeps many from waking up. The fear of being alone. This fear goes very deep.
How do you resolve the fear of being alone? Fear is created by false beliefs. Beliefs in falsehood. Observe fears closely and you will find that somewhere underneath the fear there is a hidden belief in something false. Discover that false belief and fear will resolve. This is not always a straight forward process and sometimes the fear will increase before it decreases.
Object and the subject are one
You have probably never really found yourself as the subject, right? You have always only assumed it is there. Why? Because personal experience is so deceptive. It all looks, behaves and feels like there must be someone there who is doing and experiencing all of this.
But look closely. Is it really true? Take any object, a pen of your hand for example, and see if you can find the subject in that experience. If you are the subject than you should be observable in that subject-object relationship.
Do not look for the behaviour or secondary hints for the existence of a subject. You can move around the object and feel to be at a distance from the object. But is not evidence enough. Where is the subject really?
With enough contemplation, you may find that things are indeed arising just by themselves. The idea of a separate subjective observer collapses. You merge with the object. That is the non-dual state.
The question arises as part of the whole
In the largest sense of this infinite present being, the questions of why or what it is does not make sense. It is so unimaginable whole, that the question is tiny in comparison. From our personal point of view, this question does make sense. But that is only because we are living in a relative world. The question itself is pointing to something non-relative though.
Until then, practise mindfulness and enjoy life.