Realization: Nothing I perceive exists outside of me

Just yesterday I had a kind of awakening. I already had the deep understanding that nothing exist outside of me. But I struggled to have a direct experience of this. I was thinking if it is even possible to experience this as a living reality. Yesterday a shift happened for me. In and of itself it is nothing spectacular at all. Nothing changes and I broke out into laughter because it is so obvious that I was amazed at how deluded I was before. I looked at nature and deeply felt that everything was me, I was not removed from it anymore. It all happens within that one awareness which is me. That of course does not change the experience but it adds another layer to it. It feels like seeing through the matrix.

No matter where you go or what you do, it will always be an experience arising inside of you. And this is probably true on the physical level as well as one the absolute level. All experience is a result of your brains simulation constructed out of raw sensory data. On the absolute level there is never anything outside of reality, it is always infinity unfolding in the now, and it is you. This absolute will never die or stop existing. There is no absolute ground, everything that arises exists within the infinite, dimensionally unrestricted framework of reality. No solid “outside” reality exists independent of you.

This does not answer any of my questions. But is showed me that there aren’t really any questions. And that questions about wanting to get a complete picture of reality is not something that can be answered. Because that viewpoint would need to be outside of reality. And therefore it would not be all of reality. Therefore this question goes on until infinity, just like reality itself.

This insight has given me a great feeling of peace at least. This is it and there is no way to “know” it.

At the same time it gives me additional motivation for spiritual practice and let them take me to that place of fully embodying those insights.

Strangely it has taken away a lot of the fears I had around taking psychedelics. Psychedelics will take your perception on a wild ride, but there is nothing coming “into” you from the outside. They are also already part of this reality, which is you anyways. And in my experience they are powerful tool for introspection and open you up to all sorts of possibilities. Just like a child, to whom nothing is impossible per se.  

About becoming enlightened

There is nothing more intriguing than the realization that you yourself can really become enlightened. It is not that far out thing that only monks in caves in Tibet can achieve. When you have had your first glimpses of no-self you know there is a real possibility that you can attain something of value on this path.

And that is usually the point when your searching actually really begins. The first enlightenment experiences act as a huge motivation. But they will also challenge you to see that in fact you have a lot of work to do. Where you at first thought that you already had a lot figured out.

It shows you that all the theory you studied so well and have probably already accepted and understood, is of no value without integration. Reading about no-self and enlightenment will do you no good without actually seeing and integrating it for yourself.

And that is where the interesting part starts. Practice without expectation but with persistence and see for yourself where it takes you. Stick with it through the tough times. Because it will most likely not be a smooth ride. You will go through painful times, where you discover all the comfortable lies you have been living in all your life. Lies you have become very attached to and which make up your false sense of self.

Discovering that you in fact do not exist as you thought can be a painful process. But it is only painful from the perspective of the ego. Once you are through, there is no more resistance and existing in a place of Truth is freedom.

So stick with you self-inquiry and meditation practice. Once you get your first enlightenment experiences you will know that there is actually something to that whole story. And you can in fact experience it.