Paradoxes And How [Not] To Understand Reality

Reality is at it's essence a paradox. The rational mind cannot not grasp or understand reality for exactly that reason. And science is rooted in that same belief-system. Science proclaims that you can explain reality in a rational way. Science and the materialistic world-view is based on a simple but mistaken belief. And nobody within science ever seriously questions this belief. It is taken for granted. The fundamental belief of science is that there exists a materialistic and mechanistic reality out of which consciousness arises. Consciousness is viewed as a biological function that is produced by a complex interaction of neurons and chemicals in the brain.

This is taken so deeply for granted that it is never questioned. It is not surprising, because this is the way that literally every person on this planet is raised today. That we are a human being which is separated from a dead and unconscious reality outside of us.

This is the rational paradigm of science. And only within that framework rational explanations can work. This paradigm allows for certain things to be possible and other not to be.

Rationality and therefore our minds cannot grasp how existence comes from nothingness. Why something exists rather than nothing. That appearances and all of reality is infinite and groundless. That there is nothing inherently existent behind that which appears as our experience. It is an infinite regress. Behind the illusions you can only find more illusions. Taken to it's full conclusion this process negates itself. The search for truth is seen to be pointless. Walking the path leaves no path behind. The answer is found in the unanswerable Isness or Suchness of the Absolute.

Truth can only be found in the illusion. Because Truth escapes all experiences. It precedes all experience and is the ground of everything. But, as it is no-thing, it contains no points of reference. Nothing to experience itself against. Only un-manifested infinite possibility. To transform these words into experienced realizations, we have to leave rational reasoning on the side and dive into what we can actually experience.

How can you arrive at these realizations? Well, that is the quest humanity has been on for a long time. At their roots, many religions tried to be a guide for the realization of truth. But in today's world they are even harder to understand. We leave all religious dogma also on the side and instead go with easily applicable and practical steps to enlightenment.

The two basic exercise that form the corner-stone of almost every serious practice are meditation and contemplation.

Meditation in this regard has two poles that need to be developed. The first is concentration and the second is letting go.

1. Concentration can be developed by focusing on an object (the breath for example), increasing the duration over time. Without letting the mind wander and getting lost in thought. 
2. Letting go can be developed by observing the mind with awareness. Letting the mind think and do what it wants without interference. This is also called the do-nothing meditation. 

It really is that simple and those two techniques can guide ones practice for many years.

Contemplation also has two aspects.

1. The first is contemplation of the self, called self-inquiry. It the deconstruction of illusions through the observation of reality. A list of exercises can be found here.
2. The second is the contemplation of teachings and theories of reality. Reading or hearing a metaphysical philosophy is the first step of assimilating the words. To transform a theory into knowledge it has to be pared with experience. And contemplation (as in silent meditation) allows one to validate of falsify the various concepts. 

In this whole endeavor of separating the real from the illusory humanity has used mind-revealing chemicals throughout history. We call these now psychedelics. They can greatly accelerate the revelation of higher truths. But it takes great courage to became a true psychonaut. So this path surely is not for everyone.

The Paradox is...

...that the illusion is real.

Your personality is part of the infinite strange loop

Life and experience is an illusion. The universe creates your direct experience without any substance behind it. It just appears and is therefore illusory. And at the same time it does not get anymore real than that.

This is the way god dreams himself into existence.

The search for a deeper truth and to realize higher states of consciousness will ultimately bring you to the point where you started. Direct experience is what is left after all concepts are gone. It is the ultimate magic trick.

Every experience is build on anther illusory experience. A web of experiences holding themselves up in a sea of absolute nothingness.

The magic trick of existence to create something from nothing.

Contemplation...

The Source of Suffering

"Grasping at a self and phenomena to be truly existent causes all suffering through distorted states of the mind" 

The Dalai Lama

You Are Not Located Within Space - It Arises In You

To break the illusion of space and the identification with a body which is located within space is not easy. The illusion is strong and you have probably been living in this illusion for all of your life.

Why is that? Why would you not see reality as it is? What is wrong with the idea of space and time as the foundations of the solid world that surrounds us?

The problem lies in the perspective and if you are interested in truth than you have to make sure that the biological setup of our body is actually tuned to perceive reality as it is.

But it turns out, the goal of our bodies during evolutionary times was not to see reality for what it is. The goal was simply to improve the likelihood that you successfully produce offspring, which then itself can go on to reproduce. It is therefore not at all in our biological interest to see truth. And we are therefore not equipped to do so.

I want to share with you here an interesting talk about 3D-Space. 3D-Space is in this model only the way we get presented with the raw data of our environment so that we can best process the information.

Without going further into it, here is the video. It is worth watching in it's entirety. It gets very interesting towards the end.

Cutting Straight To The Truth

One of the most clear and direct talks on the truth I have come across so far. 

Simply enjoy and let it sink into your awareness!

Changes after years of practicing mindfulness / all-day-awareness

This article represents an update on my journey of incorporating mindfulness into my every day activities. Ever since I first heard about it in the context of lucid dreaming I tried to keep this practice up. Outside of my regular 30-60 minutes of daily meditation sessions, I am staying present with at least one sensory input. The intent it so keep the mind from wandering as this is known to decrease happiness.

Improves focus, but its usually not applied to the present moment...

When the mind wanders, it tends to loose itself in worries about either the past or the future. Both are illusions. They do not exist. Only the present moment and your current experience does. This is all obvious, but what does it good to remain in this present moment with awareness?

First I want to address the problem with constantly planning the future or worrying about the past for extended periods of time. There is nothing inherently wrong with those activities, but as every mental activity the are habit forming. And herein lies the problem. For most people it means living their whole lives in this mental state. You can always strive to achieve your goals and imagine living in a better future but when you are not at the same time cultivate the internal mind states that allow you to enjoy those better circumstances you will never arrive there. Recognize the depth of implications this has for you. You will forever be stuck in this state mind. Of not being happy with the present moment. Because you are practicing this during all of your waking hours if you do not become mindful of this habit and interrupt it. 

I want to give you an example that makes the depth of mental habits more obvious. In the case of your mother tongue you can see how habits of your brain are quicker than you conscious efforts. As all sounds, also you mother language does not have inherent meaning. Just as any foreign language does not make sense to you, so doesn't the language you grew up with. 

Now try to listen to your mother tongue in a way that you hear the raw sound but do not understand the meaning of the words. It is impossible. That is how strong habits are. Your brain attaches the meaning to the words without your conscious effort.

This shows you how difficult it will be for you to enjoy your life if you have not consciously practiced experiencing the present moment. Out of habit, your brain will constantly pull you out of what is actually happening. And then you will most likely be worrying about either the future or the past.

In essence, this practices brings you to the only place that actually exists. The present moment. And once you have replaced your mental tendency, to pull you out of the present moment, life becomes a beautifully flowing experience. 

In my experience this practice turned me into a minimalist in many ways. I now enjoy the simple things more. I prefer meditating over partying. The simple state of existing feels rich and fulfilling. Monetary and materialistic goals dropped lower on my priority list, much lower. 

Why? Because they are only necessary to cover up the insecurities one develops when constantly worrying about the future. 

Money? Is usually acquired in the hopes of quieting the worries about an uncertain future. 

Excessive Materialism? Is usually acquired in the hopes of a strong emotional experience, so that it momentarily quiets the monkey mind. 

You have a long-term goal? – Program your subconscious to pursue that self-image

Pursuing and achieving major long-term goals is a big part of proper self-actualization and realization of a successful life. Life is change and it will change no matter what you try to do. Having some control over that change and developing yourself in a positive direction will certainly have a positive impact on your perceived level of happiness and well-being. No matter how enlightened you are, if you are living in a modern society you will always care about your direct experience. And your experience is largely shaped by how you develop your mental and physical capabilities, health and skills. And lastly for most people, a positive life-experience also involves some degree material achievements.

Writing down your desired state of self is the first step of this technique

I assume that you have some major life-goals. You have been studying self-development, you have been reading my blog or other self-improvement resources and you have therefore a vision for your future self. You have also understood, that it takes practice and continuous work to achieve certain out of the ordinary goals.

But, if you are like me, you have already attempted to achieve many goals and failed almost as often. Why is that? Why do we set goals for ourselves and are not able to live them in the long term. We work on them in the short term, motivation drops and we quit. We want results quickly with little effort. Or we do not enjoy the process and have chosen the wrong goals for us. Whatever the reason, we often fail to achieve our goals.

In reality all those reasons are only symptoms and not the true source of our failure. Here is the absolute reason why you are not achieving your goals:

“Your subconscious mind works against your imagined future, because it holds an image of yourself which does not embody that goal.”

Or said differently, your subconscious mind will influence your actions in sneaky ways so that the long-term outcomes will bring you back to that internal picture you have of yourself in regards to that goal.

Let’s say for example you have been growing up in a poor family and community. For years the way the people lived around you has programmed you to imagine yourself living that way as well. Now you want to achieve a rich life for yourself. If you do not correct that self-image first, it will be a hard battle to achieve that goal. Your poor self-image influences your actions and motivation to became or stay true to that self-image.

So how do you change your self-image? Through repeated emotional imagination of the desired self-image.

Carry the goalcard with you and regularly visualize the goal

One way to accomplish that is to make a Goalcard. You always carry that goalcard around with you. You make it a habit to look at it several times day. You imagine your future self as vividly and emotionally engaging as possible.

This is how you write your goalcard:

1. The specifics of the goal: When and what you want to achieve?
2. The way to achieve the goal: What do you need to do now? How to you want to achieve it?
3. How you embody the goal: What does your life look like if you achieve the goal?
4. What are your motivations: Why do you want to achieve the goal?

Write all the answers to those questions down on the card and make the card durable, because this process of osmosis can take a long time. Depending on how big of a change to your self-image your goal requires. You want to become a millionaire? Better expect this process to take a few years, if you are not already rich. Embodying what it takes to earn a million probably requires drastic changes to your personality. That’s not going to happen overnight. But carrying that goal card with you for a couple of years will be well worth it. It will constantly remind you to work on that goal and create that self-image.

After all, you have absolutely nothing to lose from applying this method.

Realization: Nothing I perceive exists outside of me

Just yesterday I had a kind of awakening. I already had the deep understanding that nothing exist outside of me. But I struggled to have a direct experience of this. I was thinking if it is even possible to experience this as a living reality. Yesterday a shift happened for me. In and of itself it is nothing spectacular at all. Nothing changes and I broke out into laughter because it is so obvious that I was amazed at how deluded I was before. I looked at nature and deeply felt that everything was me, I was not removed from it anymore. It all happens within that one awareness which is me. That of course does not change the experience but it adds another layer to it. It feels like seeing through the matrix.

No matter where you go or what you do, it will always be an experience arising inside of you. And this is probably true on the physical level as well as one the absolute level. All experience is a result of your brains simulation constructed out of raw sensory data. On the absolute level there is never anything outside of reality, it is always infinity unfolding in the now, and it is you. This absolute will never die or stop existing. There is no absolute ground, everything that arises exists within the infinite, dimensionally unrestricted framework of reality. No solid “outside” reality exists independent of you.

This does not answer any of my questions. But is showed me that there aren’t really any questions. And that questions about wanting to get a complete picture of reality is not something that can be answered. Because that viewpoint would need to be outside of reality. And therefore it would not be all of reality. Therefore this question goes on until infinity, just like reality itself.

This insight has given me a great feeling of peace at least. This is it and there is no way to “know” it.

At the same time it gives me additional motivation for spiritual practice and let them take me to that place of fully embodying those insights.

Strangely it has taken away a lot of the fears I had around taking psychedelics. Psychedelics will take your perception on a wild ride, but there is nothing coming “into” you from the outside. They are also already part of this reality, which is you anyways. And in my experience they are powerful tool for introspection and open you up to all sorts of possibilities. Just like a child, to whom nothing is impossible per se.  

About becoming enlightened

There is nothing more intriguing than the realization that you yourself can really become enlightened. It is not that far out thing that only monks in caves in Tibet can achieve. When you have had your first glimpses of no-self you know there is a real possibility that you can attain something of value on this path.

And that is usually the point when your searching actually really begins. The first enlightenment experiences act as a huge motivation. But they will also challenge you to see that in fact you have a lot of work to do. Where you at first thought that you already had a lot figured out.

It shows you that all the theory you studied so well and have probably already accepted and understood, is of no value without integration. Reading about no-self and enlightenment will do you no good without actually seeing and integrating it for yourself.

And that is where the interesting part starts. Practice without expectation but with persistence and see for yourself where it takes you. Stick with it through the tough times. Because it will most likely not be a smooth ride. You will go through painful times, where you discover all the comfortable lies you have been living in all your life. Lies you have become very attached to and which make up your false sense of self.

Discovering that you in fact do not exist as you thought can be a painful process. But it is only painful from the perspective of the ego. Once you are through, there is no more resistance and existing in a place of Truth is freedom.

So stick with you self-inquiry and meditation practice. Once you get your first enlightenment experiences you will know that there is actually something to that whole story. And you can in fact experience it.

My 50µg AL-LAD experience for consciousness-work

Yesterday was the third time that I tried out AL-LAD. I took about 50µg. Before taking the substance I did 90 minutes of concentration meditation. Afterwards I contemplated and asked myself if I wanted to take the substance or not. I felt confident but also nervous. I always get this stirring feeling in my gut that I associate with anxiety.

Because you never know what you will get from taking psychedelics. After taking AL-LAD I turned on some music and started dancing. But I really did not feel any anxiety this time. After an hour I could feel some effects.

I noticed that I get sucked into the present moment more. Everything became more detailed. To the point where listening to lyrics in a song became almost impossible. It was like time slowed down and therefore I could not remember the sounds from the beginning of the word anymore. This was interesting but also a little terrifying to observe. Although I felt sober otherwise, I could clearly relate where this would take you on higher doses.

With this slowing down of time, I seemed incredibly long to trip for 6-8 hours. I mostly spend the time meditating in silence, because even music became too demanding at some point and I really enjoyed the silence more.

Overall I was feeling very emotional and as I spend the day alone, I also felt overwhelmingly lonely. But I took the chance and observed how those feelings behave in my body. Although I wanted to run away from them.

I also had the strong wish to be sober again. And I could clearly see how much I like my sober state of consciousness. I am mostly in a very calm state of mind and was thinking that I had no real anxieties for example. But this trip showed me that there is a lot in my subconscious which I like to suppress.

Again it also showed my how much more meditation and awareness work I have to do. When it comes to the present moment and being aware of it, we all think we can actually experience reality. But that is far from the truth. We automatically skip huge parts of our sensory input and put everything in categories. For example, try to listen to your mother tongue without attaching meaning to what you hear. That is impossible for most people. Or looking at this text without attaching meaning to the symbols you see. There is actually no meaning in them. Your mind is automatically doing that. And it is doing that with everything you perceive.

What is the problem with that? You are simply not present. You are always caught up in what you think is important of reality and that distorts what is actually there. It keeps you from experiencing reality directly.

So overall this trip was insightful but also more demanding than I would have thought. On this kind of dosage you are not really tripping, but you are also not really sober anymore. I do not know if I would recommend it, because it can definitely make you feel “bad” for a couple of hours. But then, if you are seriously interested in growing yourself and have already spend full days in meditation you know that this is not always pleasant.