Your personality is part of the infinite strange loop
Life and experience is an illusion. The universe creates your direct experience without any substance behind it. It just appears and is therefore illusory. And at the same time it does not get anymore real than that.
This is the way god dreams himself into existence.
The search for a deeper truth and to realize higher states of consciousness will ultimately bring you to the point where you started. Direct experience is what is left after all concepts are gone. It is the ultimate magic trick.
Every experience is build on anther illusory experience. A web of experiences holding themselves up in a sea of absolute nothingness.
The magic trick of existence to create something from nothing.
To break the illusion of space and the identification with a body which is located within space is not easy. The illusion is strong and you have probably been living in this illusion for all of your life.
Why is that? Why would you not see reality as it is? What is wrong with the idea of space and time as the foundations of the solid world that surrounds us?
The problem lies in the perspective and if you are interested in truth than you have to make sure that the biological setup of our body is actually tuned to perceive reality as it is.
But it turns out, the goal of our bodies during evolutionary times was not to see reality for what it is. The goal was simply to improve the likelihood that you successfully produce offspring, which then itself can go on to reproduce. It is therefore not at all in our biological interest to see truth. And we are therefore not equipped to do so.
I want to share with you here an interesting talk about 3D-Space. 3D-Space is in this model only the way we get presented with the raw data of our environment so that we can best process the information.
Without going further into it, here is the video. It is worth watching in it's entirety. It gets very interesting towards the end.
This article represents an update on my journey of incorporating mindfulness into my every day activities. Ever since I first heard about it in the context of lucid dreaming I tried to keep this practice up. Outside of my regular 30-60 minutes of daily meditation sessions, I am staying present with at least one sensory input. The intent it so keep the mind from wandering as this is known to decrease happiness.
Improves focus, but its usually not applied to the present moment...
When the mind wanders, it tends to loose itself in worries about either the past or the future. Both are illusions. They do not exist. Only the present moment and your current experience does. This is all obvious, but what does it good to remain in this present moment with awareness?
First I want to address the problem with constantly planning the future or worrying about the past for extended periods of time. There is nothing inherently wrong with those activities, but as every mental activity the are habit forming. And herein lies the problem. For most people it means living their whole lives in this mental state. You can always strive to achieve your goals and imagine living in a better future but when you are not at the same time cultivate the internal mind states that allow you to enjoy those better circumstances you will never arrive there. Recognize the depth of implications this has for you. You will forever be stuck in this state mind. Of not being happy with the present moment. Because you are practicing this during all of your waking hours if you do not become mindful of this habit and interrupt it.
I want to give you an example that makes the depth of mental habits more obvious. In the case of your mother tongue you can see how habits of your brain are quicker than you conscious efforts. As all sounds, also you mother language does not have inherent meaning. Just as any foreign language does not make sense to you, so doesn't the language you grew up with.
Now try to listen to your mother tongue in a way that you hear the raw sound but do not understand the meaning of the words. It is impossible. That is how strong habits are. Your brain attaches the meaning to the words without your conscious effort.
This shows you how difficult it will be for you to enjoy your life if you have not consciously practiced experiencing the present moment. Out of habit, your brain will constantly pull you out of what is actually happening. And then you will most likely be worrying about either the future or the past.
In essence, this practices brings you to the only place that actually exists. The present moment. And once you have replaced your mental tendency, to pull you out of the present moment, life becomes a beautifully flowing experience.
In my experience this practice turned me into a minimalist in many ways. I now enjoy the simple things more. I prefer meditating over partying. The simple state of existing feels rich and fulfilling. Monetary and materialistic goals dropped lower on my priority list, much lower.
Why? Because they are only necessary to cover up the insecurities one develops when constantly worrying about the future.
Money? Is usually acquired in the hopes of quieting the worries about an uncertain future.
Excessive Materialism? Is usually acquired in the hopes of a strong emotional experience, so that it momentarily quiets the monkey mind.
Pursuing and achieving major long-term
goals is a big part of proper self-actualization and realization of a
successful life. Life is change and it will change no matter what you
try to do. Having some control over that change and developing
yourself in a positive direction will certainly have a positive
impact on your perceived level of happiness and well-being. No matter
how enlightened you are, if you are living in a modern society you
will always care about your direct experience. And your experience is
largely shaped by how you develop your mental and physical
capabilities, health and skills. And lastly for most people, a
positive life-experience also involves some degree material
achievements.
Writing down your desired state of self is the first step of this technique
I assume that you have some major
life-goals. You have been studying self-development, you have been
reading my blog or other self-improvement resources and you have
therefore a vision for your future self. You have also understood,
that it takes practice and continuous work to achieve certain out of
the ordinary goals.
But, if you are like me, you have
already attempted to achieve many goals and failed almost as often.
Why is that? Why do we set goals for ourselves and are not able to
live them in the long term. We work on them in the short term,
motivation drops and we quit. We want results quickly with little
effort. Or we do not enjoy the process and have chosen the wrong
goals for us. Whatever the reason, we often fail to achieve our
goals.
In reality all those reasons are only
symptoms and not the true source of our failure. Here is the absolute
reason why you are not achieving your goals:
“Your subconscious mind works against
your imagined future, because it holds an image of yourself which
does not embody that goal.”
Or said differently, your subconscious
mind will influence your actions in sneaky ways so that the long-term
outcomes will bring you back to that internal picture you have of
yourself in regards to that goal.
Let’s say for example you have been
growing up in a poor family and community. For years the way the
people lived around you has programmed you to imagine yourself living
that way as well. Now you want to achieve a rich life for yourself.
If you do not correct that self-image first, it will be a hard battle
to achieve that goal. Your poor self-image influences your actions
and motivation to became or stay true to that self-image.
So how do you change your self-image?
Through repeated emotional imagination of the desired self-image.
Carry the goalcard with you and regularly visualize the goal
One way to accomplish that is to make a
Goalcard. You always carry that goalcard around with you. You make it
a habit to look at it several times day. You imagine your future self
as vividly and emotionally engaging as possible.
This is how you write your goalcard:
The specifics of the goal: When
and what you want to achieve?
The way to achieve the goal: What
do you need to do now? How to you want to achieve it?
How you embody the goal: What does
your life look like if you achieve the goal?
What are your motivations: Why do
you want to achieve the goal?
Write all the answers to those
questions down on the card and make the card durable, because this
process of osmosis can take a long time. Depending on how big of a
change to your self-image your goal requires. You want to become a
millionaire? Better expect this process to take a few years, if you
are not already rich. Embodying what it takes to earn a million
probably requires drastic changes to your personality. That’s not
going to happen overnight. But carrying that goal card with you for a
couple of years will be well worth it. It will constantly remind you
to work on that goal and create that self-image.
After all, you
have absolutely nothing to lose from applying this method.
Just yesterday I had a kind of
awakening. I already had the deep understanding that nothing exist
outside of me. But I struggled to have a direct experience of this. I
was thinking if it is even possible to experience this as a living
reality. Yesterday a shift happened for me. In and of itself it is
nothing spectacular at all. Nothing changes and I broke out into
laughter because it is so obvious that I was amazed at how deluded I
was before. I looked at nature and deeply felt that everything was
me, I was not removed from it anymore. It all happens within that one
awareness which is me. That of course does not change the experience
but it adds another layer to it. It feels like seeing through the
matrix.
No matter where you go or what you do,
it will always be an experience arising inside of you. And this is
probably true on the physical level as well as one the absolute
level. All experience is a result of your brains simulation
constructed out of raw sensory data. On the absolute level there is
never anything outside of reality, it is always infinity unfolding in
the now, and it is you. This absolute will never die or stop
existing. There is no absolute ground, everything that arises exists
within the infinite, dimensionally unrestricted framework of reality.
No solid “outside” reality exists independent of you.
This does not answer any of my
questions. But is showed me that there aren’t really any questions.
And that questions about wanting to get a complete picture of reality
is not something that can be answered. Because that viewpoint would
need to be outside of reality. And therefore it would not be all of
reality. Therefore this question goes on until infinity, just like
reality itself.
This insight has given me a great
feeling of peace at least. This is it and there is no way to “know”
it.
At the same time it gives me additional
motivation for spiritual practice and let them take me to that place
of fully embodying those insights.
Strangely it has taken away a lot of
the fears I had around taking psychedelics. Psychedelics will take
your perception on a wild ride, but there is nothing coming “into”
you from the outside. They are also already part of this reality,
which is you anyways. And in my experience they are powerful tool for
introspection and open you up to all sorts of possibilities. Just
like a child, to whom nothing is impossible per se.
There is nothing more intriguing than the realization that you yourself can really become enlightened. It is not that far out thing that only monks in caves in Tibet can achieve. When you have had your first glimpses of no-self you know there is a real possibility that you can attain something of value on this path.
And that is usually the point when your searching actually really begins. The first enlightenment experiences act as a huge motivation. But they will also challenge you to see that in fact you have a lot of work to do. Where you at first thought that you already had a lot figured out.
It shows you that all the theory you studied so well and have probably already accepted and understood, is of no value without integration. Reading about no-self and enlightenment will do you no good without actually seeing and integrating it for yourself.
And that is where the interesting part starts. Practice without expectation but with persistence and see for yourself where it takes you. Stick with it through the tough times. Because it will most likely not be a smooth ride. You will go through painful times, where you discover all the comfortable lies you have been living in all your life. Lies you have become very attached to and which make up your false sense of self.
Discovering that you in fact do not exist as you thought can be a painful process. But it is only painful from the perspective of the ego. Once you are through, there is no more resistance and existing in a place of Truth is freedom.
So stick with you self-inquiry and meditation practice. Once you get your first enlightenment experiences you will know that there is actually something to that whole story. And you can in fact experience it.
Yesterday was the third time that I tried out AL-LAD. I took about 50µg. Before taking the substance I did 90 minutes of concentration meditation. Afterwards I contemplated and asked myself if I wanted to take the substance or not. I felt confident but also nervous. I always get this stirring feeling in my gut that I associate with anxiety.
Because you never know what you will get from taking psychedelics. After taking AL-LAD I turned on some music and started dancing. But I really did not feel any anxiety this time. After an hour I could feel some effects.
I noticed that I get sucked into the present moment more. Everything became more detailed. To the point where listening to lyrics in a song became almost impossible. It was like time slowed down and therefore I could not remember the sounds from the beginning of the word anymore. This was interesting but also a little terrifying to observe. Although I felt sober otherwise, I could clearly relate where this would take you on higher doses.
With this slowing down of time, I seemed incredibly long to trip for 6-8 hours. I mostly spend the time meditating in silence, because even music became too demanding at some point and I really enjoyed the silence more.
Overall I was feeling very emotional and as I spend the day alone, I also felt overwhelmingly lonely. But I took the chance and observed how those feelings behave in my body. Although I wanted to run away from them.
I also had the strong wish to be sober again. And I could clearly see how much I like my sober state of consciousness. I am mostly in a very calm state of mind and was thinking that I had no real anxieties for example. But this trip showed me that there is a lot in my subconscious which I like to suppress.
Again it also showed my how much more meditation and awareness work I have to do. When it comes to the present moment and being aware of it, we all think we can actually experience reality. But that is far from the truth. We automatically skip huge parts of our sensory input and put everything in categories. For example, try to listen to your mother tongue without attaching meaning to what you hear. That is impossible for most people. Or looking at this text without attaching meaning to the symbols you see. There is actually no meaning in them. Your mind is automatically doing that. And it is doing that with everything you perceive.
What is the problem with that? You are simply not present. You are always caught up in what you think is important of reality and that distorts what is actually there. It keeps you from experiencing reality directly.
So overall this trip was insightful but also more demanding than I would have thought. On this kind of dosage you are not really tripping, but you are also not really sober anymore. I do not know if I would recommend it, because it can definitely make you feel “bad” for a couple of hours. But then, if you are seriously interested in growing yourself and have already spend full days in meditation you know that this is not always pleasant.
Yesterday actualized.org released a new video of
breath-taking length of two hours. And it is so far the best description of
reality or absolute infinity that I have ever come across.
If you are seriously interested in enlightenment I encourage
you to invest the time and listen to it. And commit to trying to understand
everything he is saying. If you have not yet had an enlightenment experience,
than this is probably close to impossible to grasp. But in case you have had
such an experience, you will notice how beautifully accurate Leo’s description
of reality is.
For me this video had the effect of bringing back bits and
pieces of memories from my enlightenment experience which I had forgotten. Or
could not possibly articulate or make sense of this. His descriptions are so
complete and are absolutely obvious in the light of absolute infinity.
It even makes logical sense. And that is the beauty. Before
hearing this, I was thinking I could not make logical sense of it. But after
contemplating what he said and listening to it twice, I have to say, I can not
come up with anything to dismiss his arguments. It obviously cannot be any
other way.
Reality has to be absolutely infinite, otherwise it could
not exist at all. If it was not infinity, it would mean there must be something
outside of it which constrains it. But then this constrain is a part of reality
again. And so it goes on forever. Reality HAS to include everything. Not just
what is possible but also everything that is impossible. It is so incredibly
mind-bending than we can only be humble and infinitely thankful.
There is still something my ego just does not quite want to
accept. And that is the fact that “I” do not exist in this infinite
groundlessness. Nor does anyone or anything else. From the grand perspective it
is all “me” and it is all one. The crazy thing is, if you are reading this, it
is not me the writer who is it, it is “you” the reader who is it. You are it
and no one else. That means from the perspective of the absolute self, I am all
of it and I am absolutely alone. Because there could not possibly be anything
else that is beyond this reality, which I am. Nothing is separate from it.
And as Alan Watts pointed out so beautifully: It is the game
of hide and seek, which god likes to play with itself.
I have to say I somehow miss the naïve childish notion of
referring to anything solid outside of oneself. But on the greater scheme this
realization is so liberating and really the only satisfying answer to the
search for truth in a sense.
If you have had a profound psychedelic experience, but you
cannot yet fully grasp what Leo is explaining in this video, realize that your
mind was not able to “remember” what you experienced during your trip. My
profound mushroom experience was four years ago. And since then I am working on
integrating what I have experienced. It is all still saved up somewhere in my
memory, but it takes serious work to integrate it into your world-view and to
make it accessible to the sober mind.
Currently I believe one such powerful trip might actually be
enough for a lifetime. And from there one it just takes work and practice to
integrate the experience. Although with this approach the likelihood is high
that you will just forget about it and never again bother to investigate it. In
my experience, taking small dosages of some psychedelic from time to time,
keeps the motivation high. Each time you get a small glimpse again of the
absolutely infinite, if you approach it with the right intent.
I have become incredibly sensitive to psychedelics. I can
access this infinite perspective on dosages where others do not even notice
anything. It all comes down to the intent with which you go into the experience.
I am currently experimenting with AL-LAD in slowing increasing dosages. It is
said to be warmer, more controllable and not as twisted and weird as the
mushrooms.
As the mushroom experience was also so frightening towards
the end, I am still very hesitant to “become god” again. I think it was so
frightening because I had no conceptual knowledge of any of this when I went
into the experience.
